Cross Stitch Gun
Can I make suggestions and advice on the title of a draft?
I am impotent rage Raggedy Ann My mouth was sutured I have no future danger Infinite Hourglass sands unmeasured hours in solitude, now treasured in the winter cold feet and cold All the world faces is so swept away in an instant I am a center circle and my fears have no basis yet they insist then I give, anxiety and anxiety unresistant Fill my dreams linger and I thought I could fathom The depths of that abyss My gun white lights So my finger on the calloused continues to trigger a spasm of sarcasm and horrible there, above what the stars But when I want to send the light years they spent assured them having to lose All I wanted was love But I'm dumb stitches and behind my eyes get glossed With winter ice frost
The first time I read that, I was disgusted by the choppiness of the meter. I used to agree with criticism in other responses – but … It could be argued that the meter appropriately creates a disjointed effect. On subsequent readings, I felt distinct from someone who has an anxiety attack. Some titles which means "anxiety" may be appropriate, but "anxiety Attack "seems a little too direct. Poets Many leave their untitled poems, so I do not see a pressing need. I liked the system rhymes. If I am correct on anxiety, I recommend ending which brings better on this point – without necessarily losing the current or last stanza lines. 2 ยข 's
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